Defining Dream-Stealers

This is an excerpt from Kimberly Englot’s book, The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula. To purchase a copy of this book go to: just http://thenowofhappinessbook.com.

Dream-Stealers like to be realistic. In fact, they NEED to be realistic, it helps them to feel better about their own insecurities, failures and fear.

Sign: You dread calling her if you have good news.

Congratulations are in order! You have a new job, just got engaged or are expecting a baby. You can’t wait to tell everyone…except one person. You dread calling her because she will find a way to rain on your parade (pardon the cliché) and make the happy occasion not so happy. Whether she starts in on why the timing isn’t great, or about how your life is always so great or the fact that you’re lucky while her life sucks, she leaves you feeling sorry for her and doubting yourself. You also end up resenting her for not being happy for you.

All this person wants to do is make you see all the possible chances for failure.

She says things to make you doubt your decisions.

She loves to be right and will do what she can to make sure that she is right and you’re wrong.

She enjoys being able to say, “I told you so.”

There will always be people out there who are petty, jealous and afraid. They will appear concerned, and say they’re looking out for you, but the truth is Dream-Stealers are just one of the nine kinds of Toxic People I talk about in my book The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula.
When I was first starting out, I was full of fear. And if it hadn’t been for a deep stubborn streak, I would have given up well before I even got started because of a business coach who had no right to be giving out business advice! (She wasn’t a business owner, she had never even started a business…but she did work for a business. Does that count?) Long story short, she laughed at my vision and I left deflated, crying and ready to succumb to the first real Dream-Stealer I’d encountered while trying to start my business. Several years later, I have discovered two ways to handle a Dream-Stealer. The following is one approach I use as often as possible.

Inside-Out: Peaceful Co-Existence
This is what I call the “Inside-Out” approach, because you have to do some internal adjustments in order to positively cope with this relationship. I say positively because there are many negative ways you could choose to deal with the stress of this – drinking, shopping, gambling, having an affair, or eating are a few examples. I don’t want you to go down that route, so we will find a positive coping mechanism for you.

Look at it this way: according to the Law of Attraction, whatever you send out into the world, you get back. So if you are constantly uptight, worried and unhappy, you attract more situations where you are uptight, worried and unhappy. You also attract people who activate those feelings in you over and over again. (That sounds like a fun get-together!)

That is why it is so important to be aware of your emotional Junk. Your power always exists in the present moment, in awareness of how you feel and what you are doing.

Quick-Start Guide for Positive Energy Management

• If possible, leave the situation, if only for a few moments.
• Focus on what you love about the person. Everyone has positive attributes; you just have to look much harder for some people.
• Focus on your breathing. Take 10 deep breaths and focus on the moment that is in front of you.
• Dwell in your own positive energy and block out theirs. In most cases, the toxic person is looking for a victim or ally, or acknowledgment/validation. If you don’t play along with them they will get bored or frustrated and move on to someone who will participate in their game.
• If all else fails, be aware that they are influencing how you feel and then let it be.
• Let it go! Their energy is dragging you down. Recognize this, but do not dwell there.

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©2011 Kimberly Englot
Kimberly Englot is the president and founder of The Center for Authentic Self Development and author of “The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula.” Learn more about Kimberly and her mission to guide 10 000 people to happiness and freedom in 2011 at the Happiness Movement website: http://thenowofhappiness.com .