Disagree in Harmony
Admittedly, it’s difficult for me to handle a point of view different from my own when in my opinion the situation at hand seems obvious. Remaining neutral is a conscious decision. It requires my unconditional acceptance of someone else’s opinion regardless of what I think or how I feel. Additionally, the closer I am to a situation, the harder it is to maintain neutral. This is especially true with family and close friends.
Examples that come to mind revolve around issues such as aging parents, adult children’s parenting skills, career and relationship choices, money, religion and politics. These topics by their very nature evoke strong opinions. How successfully or unsuccessfully siblings deal with problems around their parents can have a major impact on their relationship with one another long term. Being judgmental about a best friend’s choice of life partner can ruin what appeared to be a close friendship. Who could possibly think that any discussion by opposing parties around heated issues during an election year could be harmonious? Can anyone know what is best for an individual?
What does it take to agree to disagree? A good place to start is by being totally open-minded. This means listening without judgment, interruption, or strategizing. It means paying attention. It requires asking questions. It demands honoring and respecting the reality that all of us respond to life and circumstances based on our individual experiences. Our opinions and judgments are created from these experiences and previous encounters. Someone else’s point of view is neither right or wrong; it just is.
While this may sound simple, in the real world it isn’t. We often seem quick to respond, eager to jump in with our view, or even worse, ready to dismiss another’s idea by quickly replacing it with our own. Imagine the harmony that could occur if people would accept that disagreeing is healthy and normal. Imagine viewing our differences as assets instead of liabilities. Imagine settling disagreements based on facts instead of emotions. Of course, this requires removing our egos and replacing self with objectivity.
What price do we pay when we diminish someone else because we demand to be right? What value is gained by being narrow-minded and inflexible? What new understandings can we create by respectfully allowing ourselves and others to disagree? The next time you face a situation that demands self-restraint during open dialogue, consider the outcome you want beforehand. Decide if you want to have a clearer view or close the window. After all, you control how you act, what you say, and the attitude you possess.
Choosing to disagree or being determined to win regardless of the cost are both a reflection of your character. Agree to disagree and be what you want the world to see.
