Where Does One Draw the Line?
Is parenting ever easy? Maybe there is truth to the saying, “ When kids are young the challenges are small; the older they get, the bigger the challenges.” I’m grateful I didn’t hear that message until AFTER my children were born!
I’m hopeful that as you read this, regardless of whether you are coming from a place of being someone’s child or living the parent role, perhaps I’m not alone in facing my dilemma.
We all want the best for our children. Children want their parents to be healthy, happy, and self-sufficient. As parents, we want our children to experience the same well-being. The difficulty for me in expressing concerns to my children is that they will know my intention is one of caring and not one of interfering. Is there an appropriate way to offer advice when unsolicited? How does one create and build trust which allows communication to remain open and respected, not shut down and rejected?
My mom is my best friend. I can ask her for advice and she will give me her best shot. When she offers me her unsolicited point of view I listen. While we may not always be in agreement, we respect one another and maintain open communication.
Being a parent, however, changes one’s perspective. I realize adult children need to be independent and to make their own decisions. And yet, they want our approval regardless of what we really think! So, I’ve decided before I give my children solicited or unsolicited advice, I’m going to first reassure them that my opinion comes from a place of caring, not interfering, and then ask for their permission before giving my true feelings be they positive or negative. After that, the choices they make are up to them!
