Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

Move Forward, Not Backward

It’s bad enough when I beat myself up for my shortcomings. When someone else decides to beat me up, that’s another issue. The fact is that once something we’ve said or done is over, regardless of how we handled ourselves, it’s over. We can’t turn back the clock, redo one’s behavior, or cover up a mistake. Certainly we can explain our behavior and apologize if appropriate, learn from what happened and move on. The problem is that when we decide to go forward, there is usually someone that wants to hold us back! Isn’t that amazing!

The key is not allowing anyone to trap you! All of us have a right to our own choices, to do the best we can in a given situation, and to share our thoughts and feelings based on our own experiences. What’s the point when someone says, “If you woulda done it the way I suggested, you wouldn’t be in this mess.” Or, “You shoulda definitely…………” Or, “You coulda anticipated that was going to happen!”

Really? While, I’m open-minded when it comes to asking others for advice and ask for permission before giving my opinion, the LAST thing you want to say to me is, “You should ….” Who knows better than me what I SHOULD or should not do?

We all have the right to lead our lives in the way it serves us best. Our choices are based on the information on hand or through past experiences. Respecting another person’s right to choose acknowledges not only our belief in them, but also honors their individuality. While I don’t celebrate my mistakes, I do know that I progress to the degree that I learn from them. Sure, there are times that I woulda done something differently, that I coulda been more considerate or that I shoulda known better. All I’m asking is that you let me find that out for myself.